Not So Complicated
by Diary
Summary: Luke and Reid talk about what they do and don't want when it comes to sex. Complete.


Disclaimer: I do not own As the World Turns.

* * *

"What do you want?"

It's not the question so much as it in the look in Reid's eyes that makes Luke shiver.

Reid's normally pale eyes are dark, his head cocked, and it seems as if Luke could ask for the world, and Reid would find a way to give it to him.

He's not used to such a feeling, and he doesn't want the world. He doesn't want to wait any longer, either, but suddenly, he's not sure if he maybe, that wouldn't be a bad idea.

As much as he hopes he didn't just say that out loud, whether he did or not, Reid is suddenly pulling away, and Luke automatically reaches over, fingers wrapping around his wrist. "I'm not sure," he answers, uncaring how technically true or untrue that is. "I- limited experience, remember?"

"Even with that," Reid says, one hand going to Luke's cheek and the other resting on the back of his neck, "you must have some ideas on what you might like. We can try; figure out what does and doesn't work."

"I like pain, as messed-up as that sounds," Luke blurts out. "I mean, not all the time. It's not a problem. After being in relationship for two years without sex," he winces, realising now is definitely not the right time to bring up Noah, "I was happy whenever I could get any."

"Um, a friend of mine thinks that I like you because of my masochistic tendencies and that that's why I stayed with Noah for so long. That's not true. I want someone who loves me, supports me, and is willing to fight for me and us when the need arises. I was just too desperate to give up hope that would be Noah."

Stop bringing up Noah, he orders. Or you're never going to get around to having any sex but with your own hand. And frankly, your hand is getting tired of you.

"It's just, ever since puberty started hitting- I remember one time, Kevin and I were wrestling, and he pinned me to the ground. It- did things. And I don't even remember how old I was or what the movie was, but there was this woman tied up, and the villain kept creepily touching her. I didn't like seeing it- you know how I get about scenes like that, but that night, I dreamed about the one being tied up, the one being touched with no way to stop it. And I woke up with sticky sheets."

Great, why don't you also bring up Kevin, the boy you had an irrational case of puppy love for?

"Relax," Reid's calm, vaguely amused voice orders, bringing him back into the moment. "It's not messed-up."

There's a gentle kiss, and he wants so much more. He wants Reid, wants find about everything about his body, wants Reid to find out everything about his, wants to make Reid feel loved, happy, and breathless, and wants to feel the same.

However, Reid pulls away, still stroking his face. "However, unless I'm missing something, that's about restraint; now, tell me about the pain part. What exactly are you talking about?"

No way in hell is he bringing up Brian, too. "Uh-"

"Luke," Reid says, fingers tracing maddening designs on his neck, "I want to know. Even if it involves Noah, I want to know what might do it for you."

"It's not about Noah," he answers.

"Whoever, then," Reid answers, and he's relieved Reid still has a vaguely amused, searching look on his face. "Or whatever. C'mon, Snyder, I'll tell you mine, if you tell me yours."

"Tell me-"

"No, you're going first."

"It involves me drinking- I mean, I don't want anything involving drinking," he quickly clarifies. "I was drunk when it happened."

"Okay," Reid says, calmly, hand leaving Luke's neck and settling on the transplant scar. "Tell me," he urges, giving another soft kiss that feels wonderful but is too little.

"Let's sit down," he says.

Once they do, Reid's chin on his shoulder and hand still on the scar, Luke takes a deep breath. "I've told you about Brian. What I haven't told you is that some part of me was attracted to him. I mean, I was with Noah, and I thought he was straight. So, I didn't really want to do anything with him and didn't have any fantasies, but yeah, aside from distrust of him, I liked him."

"Um, so anyways, when I was expelled from college and broken up with Noah, I was drinking all the time," he reminds Reid. "One night, Brian found me on a bench in Old Town. He got me in the car, and he was this mixture of gentle and firm. He made sure my seatbelt was on securely, and he took me to the farm. He had me go take a shower, and when I got out- obviously, he didn't understand and didn't like what I was doing, but he didn't yell at me. He tried to get me to drink some tea and water."

Sighing, he forces himself to go on. "I don't know if I leaned forward or he pulled me, but he was kind of hugging me, and all these weird thoughts were going on in my head. I- God, he was my grandmother's husband."

"It's okay," Reid says, softly. "I'm not going to get treat you as if you have the bubonic plague."

"Thank you," he says, gratefully. "Although, if the bubonic plague came to Oakdale, I'm not sure you wouldn't be one of the medical volunteers who-"

That earns him a gentle nip on the neck. "I may not always understand, but I'm always going to try not to make you feel bad for your thoughts and feelings. I promise."

"Because you love me," he says, closing his eyes.

"Yes," Reid answers, tongue soothing the place he nipped. "And because you love me. I want everything, good, bad, and neutral."

Easing himself down on the bed, Reid following, he curls closer against Reid. "I had pants on and a towel over my shoulder. Somehow, in my head, I was seeing things from his point-of-view and mine, which, was strange. I imagined him pulling me across his lap and sliding my pants and underwear down. He had my hands clasped together on my back, his hand around my wrists."

"And I don't know what it was, but it wasn't his hand. He was- spanking me," he mutters, acutely feeling his burning face. "And it wasn't angry, it- hurt, it was painful, but it wasn't- I saw my bottom getting redder and redder, and then, at one point, he put his hand near it, not on it, but near it, and he, I, whatever, could feel the heat. Then, he pulled my pants and underwear back up and put me in bed and wiped away my tears."

"In reality, he kissed me, and I knew he had, but with how vivid that was, there was some tiny part of me that was afraid I was wrong. There wasn't anything that sexual about the fantasy, though, maybe it sounds like it. It's just, after that, I did starting having fantasies about that. Not with him in it," he feels the need to clarify. "I was attracted to him, but what he was, what he'd done, I never let myself."

"Why does that bother you more than the being restrained bit?"

There's no judgement in Reid's tone, and he realises he's not surprised at Reid's ability to discern such things.

"I have baby siblings and younger cousins," he answers. "If my parents or grandmothers ever spanked any of the former, I'd go to war. Parent or not, I've never understood how a person could bring themselves to deliberately cause physical pain to a kid, and I've never gotten how the law can say that, if an adult tells another adult not to touch them, and they do, it can be assault, but someone hurting a child is acceptable."

"I've never had a strong opinion one way or another," Reid offers. "Obviously, as a doctor, I'd never do that to a patient, and I'd never do it to someone else's kid. As far as I know, my parents never did. Angus hit me a few times, but in that neighbourhood, as long as there wasn't blood, no one saw it as a big deal."

Luke feels his blood freeze, and he sits up to look down at Reid.

"Don't," Reid orders, looking up and reaching over to stroke his side. "I'm not some poor abused soul. Physical pain, it was relatively easy to ignore. When he wanted to hurt me, he refused to order pizza and locked the TV away."

"Yeah," Luke says, sighing. "I know: you're just a product of you."

"And you," Reid says, smiling at him. "You've affected me more than anyone else."

Leaning down, Luke kisses Reid. When he breaks the kiss, he asks, "What about you?"

"We won't be trying restraints on me," Reid answers, still stroking him and making him desperately want more. "No gags for either of us. I like it when I can see into a person's eyes. The truth is, while I've been with more people, I don't necessarily have much more experience. Sex was usually driven by a physical need rather affection. Aside from the release, if it was obvious they'd gotten some emotional pleasure from it, I was happy."

A soft look comes over his face. "With the few boyfriends I had, it was different but not very experimental."

Ignoring the pang of jealously, focusing on the fact he's glad Reid did occasionally have some happiness outside of his work, he lets his hand settle on Reid's stomach. "What about condoms? I don't need them, but if you do or don't want to do it without, that's fine."

"I don't need them; I always used them when I needed to, and I'm routinely tested. When I give blowjobs, I prefer to use them. Otherwise, I prefer not to, but it's not an especially strong preference."

Taking a deep breath, Luke lets relief wash through him. This, he realises, doesn't have to be so complicated. They can talk and explore, and while not every experience will be good, it doesn't have to be terrible.

Providing Reid doesn't get a 911, they have all night.

He sinks down to the floor, and Reid sits up. Reaching over, Luke sets his hands on Reid's hips. "First, I want to give you a blowjob, and I do want to taste you."

Luke didn't know it was possible, probably wouldn't have believed it was, but the look Reid had earlier, the one that makes Luke feel as if he just might be everything important, is back and even more concentrated than ever.


End file.
